today is my brother's birthday. and things are a little bit slow and boring.
we don't have any cake, no lechon, or a big fat chicken on the table. no nanay to take us for a swim in the beach. no neighbors to drop by the house and eat with us.
birthdays are different when you are away from home. huhuhu...
of course tatay called but still nothing is normal. it's just me and my brother alone for his birthday here in the city with millions of strangers crossing the street and getting in trouble every sec.
we went to church... borrowed five cds, he gets to choose all three of them, of course it's his birthday, it is the least i can do. we eat at mcdonalds, and that's it. but i did give him a gift despite financial difficulties, even if i'd sacrifice a cheeseburger in doing so, i bought him a penshoppe scent... duh! it's not an expensive perfume, it's a P69 pocket scent something. he did like it...
sometimes it hits me... you know, when i think of my family, it makes me want to take all of whatever i have to take just to get my dreams and theirs. and my appetite for boys shrinks. no kidding... i don't know, i just want to be the one who will always be there for them, take care of them, and make them happy. and it makes me feel good about myself, it makes me see where i am heading. i'm not being a drama queen here or a saint of some sort, really, it is something i am proud of about myself... the way i value my family. sometimes, at night when i pray to my God, i cry thanking him for being so kind to me, for giving me such a wonderful family, and i often ask him why... i mean why me? why am i this lucky? and why does He always answer my prayers and why He is always there for me when i feel down. i am not saying i see God, but i can feel Him, in some ways, in His ways.
But then again, i have no right to ask Him anything like that, just let it happen you know, there is a purpose to that, everything happens for a reason. God, from the beginning has plans for me, and i just let it work for me. that is why when i build dreams, i always say to Him that it is up to Him, i lay it all to Him. He knows the best, all you have to do is to listen, be sensitive to every single thing each day, that will be your map to where God wants you to be. just trust Him. He knows. and remember that he is the light, he shows you the way, he shows you life, beauty, and everything you need.
and i just know that God wants us all to love our family, that is the starting point, maybe because we all came out to this world with a family, God gave each one of us a family. a family, a circle of people from where we should all practice unselfish love.
hahahahahahaha...what am i talking here... the ideas are all disarranged. but who cares anyways, i just really want to get that all out. i am missing my family badly today, more than ever.
i may not be a successful person today, and speaking like this about God and family is not that you know, inspiring or something, but i am a happy person, i think happiness is the best thing here, the best thing i have earned for almost 20 years of existence. you can never find happiness anywhere just like that or purchase it, it is something earned... and i think i earned it just by knowing all what i have said above.