fatal sail to self

my anger. my fireworks. my bliss. my books. my pain. my scoop of ice cream. my love. my shallowness. my friends.my power. my family. my cards. my hopes. my sparkles. my dreams. my strangeness. my chair. my wishes. my mood swings. my revenge. my mercy. my pillows. my faith. my ups. my cup of tea. my downs. my cure. my luck. my meals. my views. my cds. my points. my color.my potentials. my ons. my mission. my offs. my will. my box. my curse. my kindness. my all.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

cleaning my room means i'm depress

liyo said i always keep my room clean, and then he said...
i'm depress
under depression?
maybe yes...
maybe no...
i don't know.
i just really want everything nice and clean.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

i conquered Cagayan

yes, finally.
3 days and 2 nights.
too short to totally appreciate its beauty.
too short to revive what was far gone lost.
should i visit the land of golden friendship once again?
is it too soon to return?

Monday, May 09, 2005

ice blue

that's my template...
uh-uh... i'm not here to tell you about my unsuccessful print internship.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


once upon a time, there was a girl named Vera. wahahaha...

today is her last day of being 19, tomorrow she'll be twenty...
so watch out world! here comes the jet- black- haired- girl who'll turn your ordinary life into something... well... uh-huh... well... you know... just get to know her... hahahaah...

i love you ver! you are one of the best pals i have!!! keep rockin'_____'s world.

p.s. the_____ part above pertains to this person who made her last two years unbelievably fabulous? chaotic? romantic? uh-huh....

asa na ka Jim? wahahahahaha!!!!!

Sunday, April 24, 2005

happy birthday to my brother bear

today is my brother's birthday. and things are a little bit slow and boring.
we don't have any cake, no lechon, or a big fat chicken on the table. no nanay to take us for a swim in the beach. no neighbors to drop by the house and eat with us.
birthdays are different when you are away from home. huhuhu...

of course tatay called but still nothing is normal. it's just me and my brother alone for his birthday here in the city with millions of strangers crossing the street and getting in trouble every sec.

we went to church... borrowed five cds, he gets to choose all three of them, of course it's his birthday, it is the least i can do. we eat at mcdonalds, and that's it. but i did give him a gift despite financial difficulties, even if i'd sacrifice a cheeseburger in doing so, i bought him a penshoppe scent... duh! it's not an expensive perfume, it's a P69 pocket scent something. he did like it...


sometimes it hits me... you know, when i think of my family, it makes me want to take all of whatever i have to take just to get my dreams and theirs. and my appetite for boys shrinks. no kidding... i don't know, i just want to be the one who will always be there for them, take care of them, and make them happy. and it makes me feel good about myself, it makes me see where i am heading. i'm not being a drama queen here or a saint of some sort, really, it is something i am proud of about myself... the way i value my family. sometimes, at night when i pray to my God, i cry thanking him for being so kind to me, for giving me such a wonderful family, and i often ask him why... i mean why me? why am i this lucky? and why does He always answer my prayers and why He is always there for me when i feel down. i am not saying i see God, but i can feel Him, in some ways, in His ways.

But then again, i have no right to ask Him anything like that, just let it happen you know, there is a purpose to that, everything happens for a reason. God, from the beginning has plans for me, and i just let it work for me. that is why when i build dreams, i always say to Him that it is up to Him, i lay it all to Him. He knows the best, all you have to do is to listen, be sensitive to every single thing each day, that will be your map to where God wants you to be. just trust Him. He knows. and remember that he is the light, he shows you the way, he shows you life, beauty, and everything you need.

and i just know that God wants us all to love our family, that is the starting point, maybe because we all came out to this world with a family, God gave each one of us a family. a family, a circle of people from where we should all practice unselfish love.

hahahahahahaha...what am i talking here... the ideas are all disarranged. but who cares anyways, i just really want to get that all out. i am missing my family badly today, more than ever.

i may not be a successful person today, and speaking like this about God and family is not that you know, inspiring or something, but i am a happy person, i think happiness is the best thing here, the best thing i have earned for almost 20 years of existence. you can never find happiness anywhere just like that or purchase it, it is something earned... and i think i earned it just by knowing all what i have said above.


Friday, April 22, 2005

all i want you to do

you peeled off my skin,
stubbed out my eyes, cut my tongue,
sewed together my lips, broke my eardrums,
and blocked my air passage.
you took away all my senses.
each day is a battle i am supposed to win.
but i go to the battlefield unarmed.
you took everything and you left me with exactly nothing.
my trust, my hope, my strength, my ability to love.
all of them!
i want you to realize the damage you have cost me.
i want you to say sorry.

Monday, April 04, 2005


Bulagi Ko Kay Na…
Carine Era Asutilla

Mamihok ug mangluspad
kining aping nga manggahon

Mukiyos kining lawas
kay wala’y gana i-kaon

Kining mata nga singkit
manghubag gyud intawn

Kining akong huna-huna
tugkad gyud ug lawom

Kasingkasing nga putli
kanimo nagsampit

Kay sa gugma nga tiunay
kini nagapitik

Ikasakit og ikaguol
ang imong pagtug-an

Nga sa lain mukuyog
og ako biyaan

Maglutaw ako
sa kaugalingong luha

Sa kawad-on
magkuyogpos ra

Bulagi ko kay na,
mahuman gyud ang istorya


Pag-ampo sa Inahan
Carine Era Asutilla

Nagtukaw sa kagabhion ang akong inahan,
rosaryohan ug nobinahan iyang gikuptan
Madunggan ko ang hinay niya’ng paglitok
pulong sa pag-ampo ngadto kang Maria

Kang tatay nga naglawig
sa dagat nga dili ato
Maghimaya Ka Maria
bantayan mo siya

Kang ondo nga sa eskwela
magtarong sa pagtungha
Santa Maria Inahan Ka
lamdagan mo siya

Kang inday nga sa kanunay magbinuutan
dili musupak sa iyang ginikanan
Putli’ng Kasingkasing ni Maria
tudluan mo siya

Sa katapusan akong ngalan
ang akong nabatian
“sa akong kamagulangan”
sampit sa ‘kong inahan

“bantayan mo siya sa adlaw nga tanan”
“lamdagan sa hunahuna, iiwag sa dautan”
“tudluan sa dalan, pangandoy makabtan”
“siya ang paglaom namo’ng tanan”

“Sa ngalan sa Amahan
Sa Diyos nga anak
Og Diyos nga ispirito santo